And Let That Be Our Legacy, Chapter Three
Mar. 4th, 2006 09:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eloriekam
Donna couldn't remember ever seeing such an example of 'frozen in shock'. Sam had stood still, emotions running all across his face, not moving a bit, hardly even to breathe, for at least five minutes now. She reached for some scrubs and tossed them on, then touched Sam's arm. "Sam? I'm going to go in there... I should be out in about half an hour, okay?"
He turned, finally, and looked at her. One of the most distinguishing things about Sam Seaborn was his eyes. They were a clear, expressive blue: definite affirmation to the idea that the window to the soul was the eyes. Now that window was filled with indescribable emotions, from grief to rage to shock. "What? Happened?" he finally got out. It was clear that it was taking a great effort to neither sink down on the floor nor go and beat up the first convenient object.
"I don't exactly know." Donna tightened her lips, rolling them between her teeth for a second, and then continued. "She called me about 11 and said she was hurt... I went and picked her up. It's not a place anyone in their right mind would go again. The trauma surgeon's going to give me the whole thing once she's done in there."
"Is she going to make it?" Sam looked positively plaintive.
"Yes."
Sam dropped his head down. "I want to hear the whole thing too. And I need to call the White House soon...." He utterly dreaded that call, especially to Leo, who had been mad at CJ for days. And to Toby, who was likely to lose it a dozen different ways and not show it. Josh, flippant Josh, would freak once he realized it was for real. The President....
Especially to anyone nothing. He grimaced.
Donna seemed to observe some of what he was thinking. "I'll be helping, Sam. But I'm going back in there--the only way I could get her here at all without a fight or knocking her unconscious was to promise her I'd stay with her."
"I'll just... stand out here. Where's the nearest bathroom, in case I lose it?"
"Further down the hall, on the right. Nice big sign." Donna opened the door and stepped out of his reach.
CJ....
Thoughts whispered as Sam watched and waited.
'I'm your first phone call.'
'I don't care what it is, I care what it looks like!'
'You just said three things that all mean the same thing.'
'Just don't say anything for...'
'I'm CJ Cregg. Pleased to meet you.... yes, Toby brought me on board.... you're writing with him? Good luck... Yeah, I'll be working on most of the press-related things....'
'Can I have my necklace back?'
'Were you scared?'
'There are certain nuances I don't understand... like the census.'
'The flamingo is a ridiculous-looking bird.'
'Very high-profile, very visible, much-noticed member of...'
'Strength, guts, or courage...'
'Strength, guts, or courage....'
'Three things that all mean the same thing.'
Sam closed his eyes and hung his head. Slowly, he noticed that his fists were clenched and his face was wet. Slowly, he relaxed his fists, then rubbed his face with his hands, and looked again.
God. How could I have said that to her?
General anesthesia might have made CJ unconscious, but it didn't do a thing for how stressed she looked. Sam wondered just how hard she'd been working to not show it... and if it was mostly from the MS thing, or had been building up all along. She just looked... stretched. Sam watched Donna stand near, not doing anything, face flitting between calm and near to tears. Sam was still sure that she looked calmer than he did, though. He was caught between gratitude that he knew before any of the other senior staffers, and anger that he didn't have anyone to stand with right now. He could only watch alone, gazing at what he never wanted to see: a friend on the operating table. And CJ actually looked worse than Josh, in a way: at least with Josh the damage had been localized to one place. Here, the team was very clearly working or had worked almost everywhere.
Sam took a breath, then rubbed at the pooling dampness in his eyes and bowed his head. It was all he could think of to do right then.
An hour later, Sam found himself back in the little room where he had first found Donna, looking at her with what he was sure was an utterly blank expression. The doctor had brought them here, then given them an extremely efficient and detailed rundown of what exactly CJ's injuries were.
He wondered if Donna was turning over the list in her head as he was. From her expression, it seemed likely, and just as likely that she was thinking of what they looked like as well. Sam didn't have that to burden his mind yet, at least.
He shuddered.
Concussions.
Cut to the left calf muscle.
Lacerations on hands and feet.
Broken left wrist.
Sexual assault.
Broken jaw.
Two cracked ribs.
Three broken teeth.
Severe bruising on the right hand.
More bruises, scattered about.
Sexual assault.
It reverberated and shouted and demanded to be given attention.
He closed his eyes, then felt Donna take his hand.
"Sam, are you here?"
"Yeah, I just... my God." He tilted his head back for a minute, trying to clear his mind a bit.
"Who do you want me to call first?" Whatever Donna had been through emotionally by seeing CJ at the scene and during surgery, she'd moved to the efficient and gentle (but unstoppable) core that let her keep Josh's office running, and sometimes Josh himself.
"I can make the calls...." Sam trailed off. "Except maybe for Toby." Chicken.
Donna whipped out a piece of paper. "Let's think about this. How many messages are on your cell phone, though?"
He hadn't looked since turning it off an hour ago. "Critical capacity, I think. About a million, give or take a couple hundred thousand...."
"Okay, we'll think fast. I've got about fifty messages from Josh, since I've been on lunch for over two hours now. Who's first?"
The early afternoon staff meeting in Leo's office was even smaller than the early morning one.
"What is this, a federal holiday I don't know about?" Leo tossed his glasses on his desk in disgust and stood up, looking well and truly peeved.
"We think it's federal Take a Long Lunch Day," Josh replied. "As well as federal Turn Off Your Cell Phone Day. I've left Donna about a hundred messages and even tried her home phone, but the lunch continues at, uh..." He checked his watch, and then continued, "the two-hour and thirty minute mark."
"I've been trying to get in touch with Sam, but the last thing from him is to Bonnie about an hour ago. His explanation was worthy of a fourth-grader trying to get out of a late assignment without resorting to 'the dog ate my homework' excuse." Toby had that smile that wasn't a smile on his face. "Fortunately, we have a tape of the briefing, and I also have his notes for the meeting with Tolano in half an hour."
"Yeah. Josh...."
"I have notes for my next two meetings, but I have no idea where the ones after that are. Nor do I know where my assistant is, so I've had interns and random people answering my phone for two hours."
"Yeah. Who's going to do the afternoon briefing?"
"Not me," Josh said hastily, raising his hands.
"Josh, we would let a Martian brief the press before we would let you do it again."
"Ouch." Josh stepped back.
"Simon can do it. The press will survive and perhaps even write some stories."
"Yeah. Okay... get back to work, and find out where our missing trio went. And don't either of you leave without telling me, all right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Josh and Toby headed out. "Where do we look next?" Josh asked.
"Hmm?"
"Toby. Where do we look next?"
"I don't know. I have this meeting." Toby headed away from Josh before the younger man could ask again, and stalked through the bullpen. "Ginger!"
"Yeah?" Ginger was flipping rapidly through notecards.
"Any messages from or relating to CJ and Sam?"
"No. Want me to try their phones again?"
"Yes." Toby's door slammed shut.
Fifteen minutes later, Leo was sitting in a security briefing in the Oval when Charlie stepped in and handed him a folded note, then left.
Leo shot a frown of apology at the President as he slipped his glasses on and opened it. 'Margaret has phone call for you. ASAP, urgent.'
"Sir?" he said, accidentally interrupting someone. "I apologize, General. Mr. President, I have a call."
"Go. We'll be fine."
"Thank you, sir." Leo strode into his office, quietly shutting the door before he called for Margaret.
"Line two, holding!"
"Thank you!" He shut the front door, too. Margaret was very good at what she did, but she also liked to eavesdrop. Sometimes that let her get something ready for him faster, but he was in no mood for it today.
"Yeah?"
"Leo."
"Sam, what the hell are you--"
"There's been a thing."
"There's going to be another thing if you don't get back here." Leo stopped suddenly. Sam's voice had been quiet and strained. "Sam? Are you all right?"
Sam laughed shortly with no humor, sounding almost exactly like Toby. "I'm fine, Leo."
"What's going on?"
"Donna's fine too, by the way. She's sitting right here... even offered to call for me. Listen..." There was a pause, as if Sam didn't want to say whatever was next. "We're at GW. CJ's hurt."
Leo's face went absolutely still, but his eyes suddenly conveyed a deep concern. "How badly is she hurt, Sam?"
"Pretty bad. She got out of surgery about half an hour ago."
"What happened and when?"
"I'm not sure. CJ called Donna about 11 and asked her to come, then Donna brought her here, which she says wasn't easy to do, and Donna called me shortly after noon. From what Donna's said, CJ didn't say a whole lot about what happened, but as for when, I would assume it happened before she was supposed to be at work."
Leo sat down, emotions whirling about that he couldn't all put a name to, but he knew one of them was guilt. Out of all of them, he'd been angriest at CJ for the Haiti screwup. "Do you know what her injuries are, Sam?"
"Yeah, the doctor was very thorough."
"And?"
There was a pause. "Leo, I don't know if..."
"Sam, I need to walk into the office next door and tell the President of the United States that his Press Secretary is in the hospital, and I don't even know what happened, let alone just how badly she's hurt."
"Yeah." Leo heard Sam draw a breath. "It's just... somehow less real if I don't say it. She was attacked." Sam took another breath, filled with more determination, and took the plunge. "Multiple concussions, deep cut to the muscle of her left calf, broken jaw and left wrist, lacerations to her hands and feet, severe bruising on her right hand, two cracked ribs, three broken teeth, and..." Sam paused for a good thirty seconds, but Leo was too shocked to ask him to continue. The list was too long already. "... and sexual assault," Sam finally finished.
A minute ticked by.
"Leo?" Sam sounded concerned.
"Holy hell," Leo whispered. "Holy hell. CJ...."
"Yeah." Sam's mournful tone had returned. "Donna was going to call Josh and Toby after we got off."
"No, that's okay, Sam... I'll take care of it."
"Are you sure?" Sam still sounded relieved, though.
"Yeah."
"Is it okay if we let Carol know?"
"Give her the brief version and tell her to keep it under wraps, will you?"
"Thanks. Where do you want us after that?"
"At least one of you should stay there, probably you, since Josh is threatening to lose all organization without Donna."
There was a brief pause while the two of them exchanged words quietly. Finally, Donna's voice came. "Leo, I promised CJ I'd stay with her. It was the only way I could get her here without problems."
"Donna..." Leo rubbed his forehead. "Okay, but turn your cell back on and expect a call from Josh or about Josh, all right? He's been calling about where the next notes for his meetings later on are."
"Thank you, Leo. Here's Sam."
"Sam, how long before we get a question on this?"
"We might have until this evening before people find out, actually. It's... not easy to recognize CJ right now."
Leo decided he didn't want to know, and pushed that thought away. "Keep in touch."
"I will."
"Thanks, Sam." Leo dropped the receiver and just sat there for a minute. "Margaret!" he finally called. The door opened, and Margaret popped in, waiting and looking at him as she always did. "Tell Josh and Toby I need them in here in ten minutes."
"Okay. Anything else?"
"Thanks." She popped back out, closing the door.
Slowly, Leo stood up and retraced his path, finally opening the door to the Oval.
"... and, Mr. President, there's every indication that this rearrangement of forces will actually stabilize the region's economy."
"Sir?" Leo interjected. That one word said it all, as the President looked up at his friend. That one word, and the utter stillness of Leo's expression, looking older and more held in check than a few minutes ago.
"We're done. Thanks." The President stood up and walked to the desk, tossing the files and his glasses on it, as the various military advisers filed out. Charlie almost immediately appeared at the door.
"Mr. President..."
He shook his head. "Hold them for a few minutes, please, Charlie?"
"Yes, sir." The door clicked shut.
"What is it, Leo?"
"I just got off the phone with Sam."
Had Leo's expression not been so grave, such a statement would have been met with his boss's dry and annoyed humor. He knew they'd had a case of disappearing staffers today. Instead, he just said, "What's going on?"
"He's at the hospital with Donna and CJ."
Bartlet seemed to lean backwards a bit. "How badly are they hurt, Leo?"
"I misspoke, sir. Sam and Donna are there with CJ. She was apparently assaulted this morning."
Suddenly, the President's face matched his friend's for stillness, and lines reappeared that were ordinarily almost invisible. Nevertheless, he amended his question. "How badly is she hurt, Leo?"
"Sir, I asked Sam the exact same question five minutes ago, and he said it was somehow less real if he didn't actually say it." Leo took in the moment, shaking his head. "I think I had to ask him twice, too."
"Leo..." His best friend paused. "I have a good imagination. Don't let it keep running on like this."
"Sir, this is one of those times when the truth is probably worse."
"It's totally unlike you to beat around the bush like this, my friend."
Leo looked out the window and noted again the perfect day. "This is a situation totally unlike any other, sir. Sam will be leaving the hospital to come back here in the next 45 minutes or so. I'm telling Josh and Toby after I'm done here."
"Which you won't be until you tell me how badly our Claudia Jean has been hurt." Bartlet looked both presidential and fatherly, leaning back and forth expressively as he spoke, although it was hard to tell whether he was aware of his use of the possessive. "Leo, it's taken you less time to tell me that we're on the brink of World War III. It certainly took you less time to tell me that a very dear friend was dead, not that long ago."
"You're right, sir." Leo took on an even grimmer aspect. "I hope you won't long for ignorance, sir, because here it is: Multiple concussions, two cracked ribs, three cracked teeth, broken left wrist, lacerations to hands and feet, severe bruising to the right hand, deep cut to the left calf, broken jaw, and-" Leo stopped so abruptly he nearly bit his tongue. He couldn't say it.
The President had gone pale during the recitation, and his face took on a fiercer set. That didn't keep him from asking, though. "And what, Leo?"
Leo looked down at the Oval carpet. He didn't feel right saying it, not here in the Oval, possibly not anywhere in the White House. He knew he wouldn't be the first, but somehow, the very idea of saying it tainted the ideals he strove for: that in this free country, there was this regard in which women couldn't pursue happiness the same way as the men; that there was this possibility, still unchecked after two centuries, which somehow reduced their other humanitarian accomplishments.
Leo McGarry felt himself lesser if he spoke it here.
Finally, Leo looked up, and met the concerned and furious gaze of his longtime friend. His hazel eyes were horrifically eloquent.
He had been spared speaking it. The President understood.
"No... " He shook his head in fury.
Slowly, he strode behind his desk and gazed out the window for a good two minutes, then turned around and planted his hands on the desk with such force that Leo actually jumped.
"What right have we," the leader of the free world queried, "to send peacekeeping forces across the globe, to dictate what is and is not permissible, to refuse to follow dozens of international sensibilities, to proclaim ourselves the greatest nation in the world and the leader of nations, when we can't protect our citizens in this most basic, fundamental, driving need for safety? When our citizens cannot walk our streets unharmed? Dammit, Leo!"
Leo just looked at him again and nodded. There was nothing he could add.
"You're telling the other guys?" Executive fury was simmering after the outburst rather than at full boil, glinting and intimidating.
"Yes, sir. Donna should also be telling CJ's assistant any time now, without all the details."
"All right. Come back after you've told Josh and Toby, with them if you think it necessary. I'm going to squeeze in another meeting while I can, because I sure as hell won't be sitting here the rest of the day."
Leo wasn't going to try to argue with him; it was one of the best things about this President, his ability to love people. "Thank you, sir," he said, and exited to his own office.
"Margaret! Send them in if they're here." Josh and Toby came in. "Take a seat, you guys."
"But I have a-" they protested in unison.
"It'll get covered. Take a seat." Leo folded his arms and surveyed the pair from in front of his desk. "I'm going to make this as quick as I can, because I think that's better for both of you than dragging it out." Two pairs of chocolate eyes suddenly fixed on him with some concern.
Leo could never remember afterwards what exactly he said, although he presumed it was all he knew up to that point, as he had intended. When he closed his mouth, he would have thought he hadn't said anything but for the passage of time and the looks on Josh and Toby's faces.
They were torn between outrage and tears, and one of them like that was a handful at the best of times.
Josh was looking for ways to guilt himself. "She could have called me, too."
"She really couldn't have, Josh." Leo sounded positively rusty; he was sure he'd have to go through this again at least a couple of times.
"I could have taken her home last night... then maybe she would have been okay."
"Josh, it happened this morning."
"Someone should have told us before now!"
"Josh." Toby paused after speaking as though he wasn't certain why he had, moving his lips soundlessly. Josh stopped his agitating for a minute and looked at him, then shot a pleading glance at Leo.
"But why was Sam the one who-"
"It's possible that Donna felt he was the one least likely to go storming all over town with an axe instead of actually going to the hospital as requested, Josh!" Leo had his classic 'what do you want from me' expression with some anger thrown in. "Toby, how long can Simon do the briefings?"
Toby shifted his gaze around. "He could probably last a little over a week if he only does one briefing a day."
"Divvy them up with Sam and Carol." Leo got no further before Josh lost control of himself again, guilt changing rapidly to some less attractive emotions now.
"Sam? Is he coming back? 'Cause, you know, somebody has to do some more meetings and the other briefing to put the lid on...."
"He should be heading back shortly. I'm having the assistants wrap up your respective meetings, with the White House's profound apologies. We can't move all of them, though."
"Why not?" Josh's people side was out in full force, and his political side was apparently in need of a shock.
"We can't stop running the country because CJ's hurt," Toby returned for Leo.
Josh flopped back onto the cushions, staring at the ceiling.
"Toby's right. I told the President and he's doing another meeting not five minutes after he found out. We're all affected, Josh, but we have to be a friend by being a colleague too." Leo waited a beat for that to sink in, watching Josh with concern. He did have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, after all... and just because music was the trigger last December didn't mean it was now. "Donna's expecting your call whenever, Josh. Toby, I don't know what we'll need, but if you could start on a statement of some kind...."
"I'm on it." The pen was nearing the middle of the page already.
"Mr. President," Leo suddenly greeted the soundless shadow standing near the door to the Oval. "I thought you were having another meeting, sir."
"They were annoying me, so I kicked them out." Bartlet's tone wasn't flippant. "Actually, it took less time than I expected, and it turned out the next guy just needed to give me something, or maybe he was too scared by the office to say anything. So I thought I'd see how the three of you were doing."
"Thank you, sir," Toby answered.
"I've been better, Mr. President."
"Yeah, whatever. Come on over and sit down. You too, Leo."
"Leo," Josh said suddenly as they were seating themselves.
"Yeah?" Gaze met gaze.
"I'm sorry about earlier. It's just... she means a lot to..." Josh waved a hand.
"Yeah. I'm sorry, too."
"What for?"
"That this keeps happening."
After a few minutes, Josh excused himself to call Donna, returning about ten minutes later. "She wouldn't tell me anything more," he grumbled when he came in. Resuming his seat, he looked around at the other three quiet men and sat back, sighing.
They continued to sit like that, thinking their own thoughts, for nearly twenty more minutes. Every once in a while, the silence would be broken as one man or the other shifted his legs, or folded or unfolded his arms. Apart from that, and the sound of the clock, it was incredibly quiet.
Finally--later each of them said it was at least a week between when they came in and sat down and when the door opened--Charlie said, "Mr. President? Sam's here."
"Good. Send him in." The President and Leo stood up as he came in. "Sam," the President greeted. "Thank you for coming back."
"Of course, sir. I, ah," Sam seemed lost for a moment, "don't know what you need me to do, though."
"There's some staffing to cover," Leo responded.
Sam didn't lose the worried and sad look, but he almost visibly shifted into work mode. "Simon and I are splitting the briefings?"
"Close. Simon's doing one a day for a bit; you and Carol are splitting the other ones. After about a week, we'll see where we are."
"There's also some writing to be done," Toby added.
"Okay. Anything else?"
"Sam, you seem pretty eager to do a lot of work. Are you all right?" Leo asked.
Sam nodded. "I mean, I'm not, but I want to work... give CJ less work when she comes back, and more stories to tell her."
"Could the rest of us see her first, please?" Josh put in very abruptly.
"Josh!"
"He's already been at the hospital for two hours! It'd be nice if the rest of us had some time, too!"
"I was also going to say, Josh," Leo grated, "that assuming it's okay on all fronts, Sam could stay a bit late so we could each go for an hour or so."
"Whatever."
Sam flushed and turned to Josh. "If you had any-"
The President suddenly asked "When do you think I could go?" It was pretty clear he was asking Leo, but he was loud enough to effectively shut down other conversation for the moment, as was no doubt his intention. Sam was nearly red and Josh was cherry-colored, while Toby looked ready to grab a lamp and hit someone, and even Leo was a little flushed and angry.
"I'll ask Ron Butterfield, sir, but don't get your hopes up. You may have to send the First Lady as your proxy."
"Yeah, I've heard that before." The President surveyed the room, making definite eye contact. "She means a lot to all of us. Why don't we work in that spirit instead of fighting in it? Also, my next appointment is probably here."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 09:50 pm (UTC)Sorry I'm sounding so incoherent, lack of sleep. *g*
no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 04:28 am (UTC)I'm tremendously flattered you think it's a good ensemble piece, though, because I do want to write the ensemble *so* badly and feel like I can't always do it, because these characters and the actors who play them are so wonderful. :)
so far, i'm very impressed
Date: 2006-03-07 06:37 am (UTC)Keep writing! And I can't wait to read more.
Re: so far, i'm very impressed
Date: 2006-03-08 06:26 am (UTC)I feel your pain (although not for midterms), as I'm sure there's at least 100 pages of stuff I should be reading over my spring break. Eh.
While the "CJ gets attacked" storyline is a bit overdone (I use it myself)
Yeah, I've noticed, in my limited time in TWW fanficdom, that if a woman gets attacked, it's often CJ, although at least I haven't seen too many stories that are the exact same thing. I do tend to seek out CJ angst--I can't imagine why! ;)--so I've seen CJ stalked, etc.
I am very impressed with where you're taking this and the delicacy with which you are handling it.
Thanks! :) I hope you continue to feel that way with later chapters...
Of all the characters, your grasp on Sam is perfect. Since I have absolutely no voice for Sam, I love reading writers who do.
This makes me wonder if I'm really more like Sam than I think, because I don't think about writing him much (not like I think about writing Toby!), but thank you!
Good luck with the studying thing!
Re: so far, i'm very impressed
Date: 2006-03-08 07:43 am (UTC)I've seen quite a few CJ-Stalker, CJ-Raped (ahem, guilty), CJ-Sick with something (ahem, guilty), CJ-blahblah (ahem guilt), but I'm of the firm belief that if the writer can pull it off, then it's cool. There are no new ideas, only new ways of presenting them.
This makes me wonder if I'm really more like Sam than I think, because I don't think about writing him much (not like I think about writing Toby!), but thank you!
You capture him very well.
And thanks for that studying thing. I'm heading to bed. Must sleep so I can be conscious for said test tomorrow. Be on the look out for the next chapter of my CJ/Leo series. (shameless self-promotion) It'll be posted by the end of the week. (Real life not interfering)
Re: so far, i'm very impressed
Date: 2006-03-09 05:12 am (UTC)Precisely! It also helps, at least for me, if the writer takes it somewhere instead of making it all about that and then just sort of... stopping.
Be on the look out for the next chapter of my CJ/Leo series.
*note to self: read said story* ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-09 05:17 am (UTC)Yeah. It's been a challenge with Light My Candle because it is SO easy to make the story about HIV/AIDS rather than have it be about CJ and her life with Sydney. The disease, while a part of her life, isn't her entire life. But it's hard sometimes, because it's SO easy to write the angst and nothing else.
*note to self: read said story* ;)
LOL. Said chapter of said story is being worked on right now. I've learned one thing about Leo while writing this: he's a dirty, dirty, dirty old man. LOL
no subject
Date: 2006-08-11 11:36 pm (UTC)That. Is. Beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-12 06:01 am (UTC)Thank you very much. :) It's been forever since I wrote it, but I remember sitting there and suddenly feeling that Leo had to convey something *more* in that moment, and that's what came out of it. And oh, how I wish it were different.